If you’re like me, you may find it hard to say no (to anyone other than your pup or toddler!). Over the past year, I’ve intentionally worked on setting boundaries, and it’s not always easy. This is why I enjoyed a recent Hidden Brain episode that supports doing just that.
But first, why is saying “no” hard? Here are a few reasons:
- Our reputation: We care about how we’re perceived and feel that saying no may tarnish our character.
- Societal expectations: Women are often seen as nurturers. So, when asked to do something, they may want to confirm the expectation that they’re available to fulfill the need.
- The “stadium proposal” scenario: We’re asked to do something in front of a group. With that many sets of eyes on you, who can say “no?” (I mean, has anyone on a Jumbotron said “no”?)
So, how do we say “no”?
- Practice in lower-stakes situations. Your mother-in-law asks you to bring your famous homemade apple pie on Thanksgiving – but, this year, you’ll be working on a deadline til the eleventh hour. Politely let her know you won’t have the bandwidth, so you’ll bring your favorite from a local bakery.
- Practice with people you don’t know. The person asking you to sign a petition on the street corner may be pretty persuasive, but they will easily move on to the next person.
- Create a script for the requests you regularly receive. Here is the one I crafted when I felt overwhelmed by networking requests: “This is a season where I have to choose between family and opportunities to meet with interesting people like you. I am protecting my yeses for my loved ones.”
- Pause. Imagine yourself in one week, one month, and one year. Will you be glad you accepted the request? Or more happy that you didn’t?
What are your tips for saying “no”?
