Have you ever needed to have a conversation that could trigger a strong reaction?
Whether it’s delivering feedback at work or discussing a contentious topic with a friend, these situations can be challenging.
Recently, I was asked for advice on this very issue.
Take a look at these strategies I recommended for handling potentially triggering conversations.
1. Understand Their Perspective
Before initiating the conversation, take time to get into the head of the person you’ll be speaking with. Consider their motivations, goals, work style, worries, and values. This “diagnostic” approach can help you understand why they might get triggered and how to address their concerns proactively.
For example, if you need someone to work faster, but they’re notoriously slow, you might realize they’re a perfectionist who gets anxious when things aren’t done to their exacting standards. Acknowledging this upfront can set a more productive tone: “I know the speed of work around here is really stressful.”
2. Validate Their Perspective
Show that you see and care about their point of view. Sincere validation can go a long way in diffusing tension. You might say something like, “I value you as a co-worker and really appreciate how much you care about the product line. Even though we have different perspectives about X, I see how hard you work.” The goal is to connect on a human level and share genuine appreciation.
3. Focus on Common Ground
Try to present your viewpoint in a way that’s mutually beneficial. If that’s not possible, frame it in terms of team, business, or company benefits. This approach elevates the conversation beyond a personal disagreement. For instance: “We both share the goal [or our team has the goal] to find the most unique gifts in the pet space. In order to get new products to customers by summer, we need to make decisions quickly.”
4. Ask Questions
Instead of making demands, which can make people defensive, frame your ideas as questions. This approach requires pre-planning but can lead to more productive discussions. Try questions like, “How can we meet our team’s goal to get X new products out by summer?” or “I’d love your ideas about how we can meet these goals.”
5. Approach with Calm Curiosity
Enter the conversation in a calm state of mind, with genuine curiosity. This mindset helps you listen, learn, and avoid heated exchanges.
The Bottom Line
Preparing for potentially triggering conversations involves several key steps:
- Think about the other person’s needs and fears, and acknowledge them.
- Frame the topic in a way that’s bigger than a personal disagreement.
- Prepare and even rehearse your approach.
- Ask questions rather than making demands.
- Stay calm and curious throughout the conversation.
Remember, these strategies aren’t foolproof, but they can significantly improve your chances of having a productive dialogue. If you try these techniques, I’d love to hear how they work for you. And if you discover other effective strategies, please share them. We’re all continually learning and improving our communication skills!
