Welcome to 2025! Over the “break,” I enjoyed long walks with my family and devoured podcasts, including Mel Robbins’ episode about the Let Them Theory. If you’re not acquainted with Mel, she’s an author and podcast host with many down-to-earth but revelatory ideas. She describes “Let them” as “a life-changing mindset hack.” Who doesn’t want to start the year off with one of those??
During the podcast, I was reminded that we can control only three things: our thoughts, emotions, and actions. Of course, we know this, but Mel describes a multitude of ways where we could focus more on ourselves and a whole lot less on those around us.
I was intrigued and wanted to apply this to the workplace. So here I go…
Emotions: When we deal with difficult situations and people, it’s easy–and natural–to feel a charged response. So, what are we supposed to do?
- Experience the emotion. Sit through it rather than distract (hello Tik Tok!) or stuff it down (I see you, Oreos).
- Consider journaling. Writing down your feelings for as little as 90 seconds can make a world of difference.
- Breathe. It really is the panacea for so many of our ailments.
Thoughts: It’s easy to be annoyed, anxious, or downright pissed off when you witness a situation that you knowshould be handled differently. In these moments, shift your thoughts by starting with an “I wonder….”
Actions: Calmly investigate the situation (please refer back to Emotions if you’re not yet feeling calm). Asking questions is key to creating understanding and learning something new. Creating a dialogue leads to better outcomes than demanding or whining.
Apply this to work
Imagine it’s Thursday of a long week, and your manager messages at 4:15 pm asking you to put together a presentation for her 90-minute board meeting that starts at 9 am tomorrow.
Naturally, you’re irritated and irate. You review the Emotions tips above and think, “I don’t have time to journal my emotions right now!” But when you do, you realize this really sucks. And you know you can get this done. You take a few deep breaths and dive in.
You finished the presentation after pulling an all-nighter. You’re fried. And irritable. You’re cursing your boss (in your head). “He’s a complete idiot. And a jerk. And a #$&*%!” OK, it’s time for a Thoughts reframe. Yes, his request was last minute and therefore frustrating, but can you learn something from this situation? Insert an “I wonder” statement like, “I wonder why he waited until the last minute to ask me to work on the presentation.”
Now it’s time for Action. Monday morning, you reach out to your boss and request time to debrief the board presentation situation. When you meet, you ask him, calmly, why he waited until the last minute. After you thoroughly listen and explore the situation, you share that the experience was very frustrating and that you’d like to work together to avoid a similar situation in the future.
The end result? You’re not “letting them” repeat the egregious behavior or take advantage of you, but you’re also not “letting them” get under your skin and ruin anything more than the time it took to create the presentation.
Simple? No. But worth exploring.
P.S. I’ll post additional “Let Them” examples on LinkedIn. If we’re not yet connected, let’s LinkIn now!
